Hero of the Metro

I’ve got an email from an old-time friend, Em-em. Matagal na rin kaming hindi nagkikita nito because he migrated to the United States. He’s needed daw kasi dun lalo sa field of work niya. We only contacted through emails, but the latest email he sent was quite disturbing. He has sentiments kasi with his work and I don’t know how to answer it. Kaya I wanna share it with you and kahit papaano maparating sa marami ang sentimiyento niya.

My best friend Billycoy,

Hi! Kamusta na? I hope you’re doing well there. I’m currently here in an internet café, because back in the station, we haven’t subscribe for a broadband connection pa kasi. I’m not doing fine here. I’m really dissed with my work. My co-workers are really an asshole. They won’t make me save other people. Lagi nila akong inuunahan sa pagligtas ng ibang tao, kaya lahat ng credits napupunta na lang sa kanila. I know you know what I’m talking about here, the JLA!

Like that Superman, he is sooo mayabang! He always take the lead. But as everyone knows, he is not that super compared to my powers. His powers is just like my kulangot, a worthless dumi in the galaxy. And one thing, he has a weakness kaya with those kryptonites, while I don’t have one, i have two, zits and bad hair days. And his tights are so ugly kaya, it’s even passé. He is giving me one nga, but i refuse to have it kasi naman, it’s a big EWWW! I’m not wearing those tights because I’m not going to an aerobics class. My clothes are maganda na kaya. Coutures from Michael Kors and Tom Ford na kaya ang mga suot ko. I don’t even wear the same clothes over and over again. And another, as if he stand the chance with his Lois Lane, eh obvious naman na Lois is just using Kal-el just to be closer to his cousin Kara-el, Supergirl. Yes, Lois Lane is a lesbo. I could read it from her mind using my uber cool telephatic powers.

Have I told you that Wonder Woman is salivating a waterfalls over me? Yes, she’s going gaga over my good looks. In her dreams ha. She’s not my type kaya, and she won’t pass because she’s not even fashionable to display. She’s wearing a star-spangled aerobic tights knowing that she’s an amazon from Greece. Ewww, I don’t like amazona beauties. Kaya nga these days she ignores me and making those lame parinigs because I dumped her. And I don’t care I have charms and good looks more than anybody have. I can have a googol of girls.

And these freaks are blaming for the 9/11 incident, kasi that’s the moment they told me if I could prove to them that I am reliable from their team. But I can’t go that moment, because I’m in a spa in Beverly Hills that time. If they called hours ago maybe I can go, kaso it was just a short notice, 5 minutes before the planes get bangga to those towers. 5 minutes, like hello!? I need to prepare myself pa, I need to go back to my home in New York to get my couture clothes and have my hair styled pa in a salon. I don’t go on a rescue kaya looking wasted and haggard, kailangan lagi akong disente and proper to be a good rolemodel sa people.

And the media freaks! I really hate them. They named me ba naman METROMAN! Big EWWW kaya yun. The name is totally hideous! Para naman akong taxi driver niyan or yung mga taong may dalang metric tape who makes sukat the cadavers in the morgues and hospitals. I could give them my real identity if they will be asking me nicely, kaso I know the media here, they may even bringing paparazzi’s to intrude my abode and privacy in New York.

O sige na. Next e-mail na lang. I need to go to the asteroid belt pa to do my morning exercises pa. You know me naman, I need to pound some asteroids and do my bench press with those meteors pa.

Ciao.

Your best friend,
MM

P.S. Please tell my regards to Mang Tibur and to his daughter Polay for graduating B.S. Embalsamatory. Thanks.

Nalungkot tuloy ako sa nangyayari sa best friend kong iyon. Nakakaawa. Masyado siyang inaapi ng mga kasamahan niya. Hindi ko alam kung anong tulong ang mabibigay ko. Ano ba ang magagawa ko para sa kanya?