Muli na namang nagsulat ng liham sa akin ang aking best friend na si Em-em, Metro Man. As usual sa mga sulat niya, puro reklamo ulit. Pero this time nagulantang ako sa sulat niya, kasi ang laking pasabog talaga.
My best friend Billycoy,
Hay naku! I'm so pissed na talaga here sa JLA. Heto kasing high-members of JLA borrowed something from me and they are not giving it back ba naman?! They are sooo kainis!
I call them the Speedo Gang, kasi they like wearing those tight hapit spandex. I know they also secretly love calling them Speedo Gang. As if naman Speedo talaga brands ng tights nila. Like they are so kuripot kaya. Though they can buy Speedo, they made pagawa na lang their spandex imitation sa cheap tailor shops.
And dahil I'm so asar with that gang, I'm gonna tell you their baho. The baho that's so sangsang that makes me puke all the time. I don't care if you make this kalat, 'coz that will feel better and maybe they can return my 'something'.
First, hetong si Superman. He's actually the one borrowed from me. Everytime I'm getting it back, he makes tago at the speed of light. So kainis di ba? Eh if you just know my best friend, hirap kaya ako to approach him. Eh he has soooper bad breath din kaya! It's umaalingasaw sa buong galaxy. He loves eating sibuyas, garlic and spicy dishes a lot. Actually, isa siya sa main reason why most people here in JLA are wearing masks. So that they won't die inhaling his sooper bad breath.
Then itong si Wonder Woman na ka-wonder-wonder din ang kalandian. I can't take her B.O. kaya. And one more thing, her underarm hair is sooo nakakasuka kaya. It is so lago and kapal, elephant, giraffes and chimpanzees can make laro nga and live there like in the jungle. And if garapatas and kutos goes in there, no chance they are going out there alive kasi they will be ligaw there forever. If I'm going to look further nga, I will see skeletons and fossils ng dead garapatas sa kanyang kili-kili jungle. Kaya din siya tinawag na Wonder Woman, kasi everybody's wondering why she wears a tube eh she knows she has a thick underarm hair. Big eww talaga!!!
Batman? he shouldn't take his suit off. Coz my gulay! Grabe, I think he can die with his own smell din. Imagine wearing a rubber overall from head to heels. Kaya he's making buro of himself with his own pawis in there. He stinks worse than burong labanos! Eww. Then he makes payabang pa to me that Louis Vuitton made him a batsuit. Eww kaya. Brown and with LV pattern batsuit?! And authentic leather pa, kaya when he wears it, he smells like alipunga.
I can't take Aquaman as well. He is sooo mabaho din kaya. I smell something fishy from him. He smells like a palengke ng isda. Sometime he stinks like Manila Bay and seafoods as well. You know? Like those nabubulok na fishes and seafoods. He doesn't take a bath din kaya kasi daw, he works underwater naman daw. Eww kaya yun. No bath and amoy isda pa. I can't take it anymore.
One more secret about Speedo Gang. They are doing coke. Not the drug cocaine but the coke, Coca-Cola. As in their 'doing' the coke, they are fucking the coke bottle. Eww. Kaya nga people here are always making reklamo why there are always coke bottles in the CR. One time nga, sa CR, since it's a unisex CR, I heard Wonder Woman moaning in the cubicle. Eh orgasmic ang moan niya, I was sobrang shocked. I think she was also surprised na may pumasok sa CR, kaya siguro she made bitaw the coke bottle so it make basag at the bathroom floor. Then she went out, she greeted me as if nothing happened. Kaya I warn you, don't even lay a hand on coke bottles inside the CR.
Sana kasi they soli that thing they borrowed from me so I can shut up and be silent na rin. Para na rin we can achieve world peace na rin.
O siya til next time na lang ulit my best friend. I think I'm gonna throw-up muna. I suka kasi whenever I imagine their kabahuan kasi eh.
Your best friend,
Hindi ko rin kakayanin sigurong makasama ang mga kasamahan ni Em-em. Regaluhan ko na nga lang siya ng gas mask!